As a child I sexually abused and had a Father who was a manipulator. I dealt with the trauma with anorexia and at one point I weighed 98 pounds. Ran away when I was 15 years old. Going from state to state until I ended up in Vegas were I was put into State Custody and then a group home. Around then I stole a cop car. Been in & out of jail since then and Taychedah Correctional four times. Kept getting into more trouble because I was loyal to the wrong people. Should have been loyal to myself and my family.

My best friend got pregnant through an affair with her brother-in-law. She was going to tell and ended up being killed along with her 3 month old baby. I know who murdered them but I couldn't tell her family because I was the trouble maker and they weren't happy she and I were best friends. That has been difficult to deal with. After that I fell off and did more drugs & alcohol and into more trouble.

A short time later I got pregnant and was in a mutually abusive relationship. Got married and had another baby then divorced. Mostly it was due to our age, immaturity, drug & alcohol use. Later, I went on to have my only son. That's when I got arrested for growing 43 pot plants. My dad called me a 'dumb Indian' for getting caught. I got tired of that joke and one day responded with "at least I know where I got the dumb part from". He never called me that again. But, he always said if you're going to do it, go big. I served 5 years for that.

Since 2000 nearly 16 years of my life has been in prisons or jails. While in one I got septic shock from an infected tooth and almost died. I can still remember them using the paddles on me. I survived because I wasn't about to leave my son alone. Didn't want him to grow up and be like me. I was determined to be there for him.

My kids got teased because I've been in prison. That's why I tell them to not judge people. You never know where people have been or what goes on behind closed doors. My daughter actually was announced and given an award in school for being non-judgmental. She later told me that the teacher asked her where she learned that and she said from my mom. I didn't get to see that moment but it's great to know that she heard me and that something good came out of my past experiences. Teacher said she wished more kids were like my daughter.

In one year I lost 35 people. Both friends and family. Have been in relationships with abusive & controlling men, just like my Mom. One almost bit off my nose. Had to have stitches to repair it. All this kind of teaches you to not get close to people. But, I've been busting my butt to stay straight. There's a Native American term, The Red Road. It means to have a way of life, with the Creator, that is balanced in all areas while doing it clean & sober. It's tough but I just celebrated 2 years of Walking The Red Road!

The rewards that have come out of this are great. I'm in college working on a BA in Photography. I have my Grandmother back in my life. It's great to hear her say that she's proud of me again. I now have been given my some of my GrandPoo's belongings. He was my rock. Now, my grandson is my rock. My fianc and his family have shown me what a forgiving, loving, and supportive family I have. I'm living my best years with a life that matters filled with integrity and respect.